Relationships, regardless of how long they have been, go through different stages and ups and downs. The intensity of conflicts or the necessary calm that follows is not always well managed. This is where there may be problems that need to be fixed. If both parties do not have the necessary tools and resources, this problem can get worse and even end up making the couple finally end the relationship. It is just before the end of the marriage happens that help is usually sought, once the crisis has struck.
However, it should not be the case since it takes active and ongoing communication to make any relationship have the chance to succeed. Both parties must invest their time and effort into the union; dealing with issues as they arise and not wait until they mount up to find help. Long before professional help is sought and before there are serious problems, different techniques can be used to increase discomfort, reduce small frictions and strengthen the union. The following will help, from the framework of couple’s therapy to healing small wounds.
Commitment and Compromise
Are you really willing to change any part of your life to accommodate each other? In many cases, the problem is that only one is willing to modify their behavior and the other is stubborn and hopes that their behavior should be tolerated. There has to be compromise or else, problems will arise. Both parties should agree or make a commitment to see things from varying perspectives and not just from theirs.
Striking a Balance
Many of the problems that exist tend to recur very frequently. In this case, each party must clearly and simply specify what it wants from the other and what it is willing to change. You should strike a balance, but remain concise. This implies that you have to stop improvising and always stick to agreements.
When the couple encounters the obstacle in which there was a past event, which is hard to forgive, that area must be addressed in a specific way. The party who holds onto resentment feels anger, a product of non-acceptance; using it as a means of protection and security so that it does not happen again. However, sadness is the emotion that would be best so as to accept and move forward. It is not an emotion that makes us weaker.
Taking Time Out
When there is an argument, the normal thing is that you try to impose your opinion on the other without listening or leaving space for processing the information and compromising. This form of communication only generates anger and frustration. If you reach this point, each party should go to an area, perform a relaxation technique and return after a few minutes or hours to resume the conversation.
If you express yourself from 'I feel,' the situation changes a lot in comparison to saying 'you make me feel'. The responsibility is removed from the other person and put on you. That avoids blame, no matter what happened. It will generate greater empathy.
If you need more help with couple’s therapy to save or open lines of communication in your relationship, Dr. Willard Ashley, Sr. LLC is a psychoanalyst that specializes in that area. Don’t wait until the situation gets out of hand. It is best to start asking for professional help before it is too late.