Couples go to therapy for various reasons, but in addition to infidelity, the biggest issues include intimacy, communication, money, and big life changes like starting a family. Couples therapy is also a good idea if one of you is dealing with a problem that could be affecting your relationship (such as depression) or just feeling stuck in your relationship. Therapy can provide a safe space to talk about sensitive topics.
Couples, like all living organisms, go through moments of crisis. Sometimes these are so strong that it seems impossible to overcome them. Arguments, fights, aggressions, bad moods, constant irritation and the inability to share a good moment in peace make the couple wear themselves out and enter a vicious circle that only makes things worse and likely weaken the bond over time.
It is very common to hear complaints such as: "I can't talk with her, because as soon as we sit down to talk, we start shouting" or "with him, it's impossible to start a dialogue because he seems deaf,” “my words don't reach him and I end with the feeling like I'm talking to myself." When this begins to get out of control, it becomes the norm and the couple ends up believing that they have definitively lost the path that led them to mutual understanding, good treatment and positive stimulation of each other.
In this instance, mutual respect and self respect seem to have been lost forever. At this point, the growing dissatisfaction puts both partners in the relationship in a dilemma as they resign themselves to losing their affection or taking a step they never wanted to take, and ending up parting ways. There are crises that cause isolation and make it more frustrating to even try to make it work anymore. Why? Because at this point, the couples may be blocking any type of communication that leave no other viable alternative than to separate or live painfully in silence. Repeated frustration only further exacerbates the conflict.
But, not all is lost. In these cases - as in many others - couple psychotherapy or couple’s therapy is the most suitable instrument to solve the problem. Many couples believe that if they have not been able to solve their problems themselves, how can a stranger do so? However, a psychotherapist has the means to change the communication circuit, that is, to unblock the vicious mechanism and establish a new circuit that makes understanding possible.
It is well known that if the same mechanism is always repeated, the results will always be the same. So why hope that one day, magically, something more than screams and aggressions will emerge? The psychotherapist is someone capable of mediating in the conflict and directing the dialogue through other lanes not yet traveled. Their role is easier to understand, if we transfer it to a third and unbiased party. When two parties are in dispute and dialogue seems impossible, the mediator should appear. If couple’s therapy is not the immediate choice, then the mediator will be an attorney in lieu of a divorce.
In the case of couples, crisis is an opportunity to renew their love contract in the same way that religious vows are sometimes renewed. If they manage to go through this stage in a positive way with the help of a couple's therapy, both parties will come out of it with greater emotional maturity, which will benefit the relationship in the long run. Contact a psychoanalyst to learn more about how to take advantage of a couple's therapy.